Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just blew my weed a kiss
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
