You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
