She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
