i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
