there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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