The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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