Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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