grandma shit on top of the toilet
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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