I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize