Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
