You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
