A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
