meet me or not, i'm out of control
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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