i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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