At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
