i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
