And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
