What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
