The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
