I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
last night I used snow as a chaser
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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