Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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