So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
