I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
