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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize