also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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