I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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