We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
