is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
