Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
