4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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