walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
