he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize