She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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