Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
