Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
