i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
