Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
