Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize