just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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