She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
