Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
