Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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