Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
