I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
