We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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