I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize