don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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