Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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