i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
this will be a night to untag.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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