You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
