the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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