There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
