I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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