I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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