worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
