HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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