Are we in a gay sports bar?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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