I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
