Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Your tits are I can't wait for
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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