Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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