Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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