I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
