I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize