Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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