Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
