Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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