My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
