Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
