She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
