Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
