i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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