hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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