Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
