I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i can't believe i had my finger in that
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
