i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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