he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
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