I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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