its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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