I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
