I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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