a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
