You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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