I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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