i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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