Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
