My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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