omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
