Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
