She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
