Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
