Umm I'm too high to move.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
