help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
