I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
