I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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