I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
