i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
