My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You're like the curious george of whores
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
