It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
