The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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