This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
