I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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