i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
