someone get that fucking seahorse.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
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