I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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