idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
