the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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