I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
