Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
3 2 1 whiskey
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
