nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
