she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
