my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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