We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
