I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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