guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
