ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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