It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
