Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
