is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
What drink are we having for lunch?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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