i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
