Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
