people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
