He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
