3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
