Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
