was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize