the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
