uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
