Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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