I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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