he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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