No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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