apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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