I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
